


there is love that doesn't have to do with taking something from somebody

by poalof



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Everyone is in love!!, F/F, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-War, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-29 00:24:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21401119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poalof/pseuds/poalof
Summary: The hut looks the same as last night but Adora still can’t shake the feeling that something is off. She’s almost to the door when something tumbles through and collides with her.“Razz, I’m so sorry,” Adora says, but when she looks up Razz isn’t in front of her. It’s a woman, dark hair, dark eyes, and Adoraknowsher.“You’re not Razz,” the woman says, confusion apparent.“You’re Mara,” Adora says at the same time and Mara raises her eyebrows, eyes wide.*or, adora still can't save everybody (and maybe that's okay)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Light Hope/Mara (She-Ra)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 402





	there is love that doesn't have to do with taking something from somebody

_ " I'm amazed that we can still be capable of gestures of loving after lifetimes of all this. " _  
-**David Wojnarowicz,** in "Living Close to the Knives" 

The halls feel too long and wide. Light streams in through the stained windows, most of them still intact. The castle is bustling, people crowded in for shelter and safety, their homes destroyed by the violence outside. It’s cramped in the main hall, in the infirmary, in the various rooms used for meetings and storage and ceremonies, but Adora is alone. This wing is quiet, avoided as it provides a view of rubble and destruction and death.

There’s a staircase that leads up to the servant’s quarters nestled into a corner, dark enough to be glanced over. Adora takes it up to the second floor, slower than usual. Her knee still isn’t fully healed even after Micah and Castaspella did what they could to help. Micah doubts it will ever be back to normal.

From the servant’s quarters she moves towards the guest rooms. Up here it’s darker, less windows and more access to shadows and hiding places. For a while it scared her, knowing who she shared dark halls with. It’s over now. She has nothing to be afraid of.

Catra is asleep when Adora goes into her room. She’s sprawled across the mattress, sheets kicked down and bunched at the foot of the bed, hair fanned out across the pillows, dark and curly and shiny in a way that catches the sunlight. There’s sunlight now. It’s strange, Adora thinks, to have even more light than that from the moons. She walks closer to the bed, careful with her steps, careful not to wake Catra.

She’s not careful enough. Catra peeks one eye open, still squinting against the light, then the other, and yawns.

“Hey, Adora,” she says, voice soft, almost a whisper. Adora knows it’s so it won’t sound too squeaky. Catra’s voice is always squeaky if she talks too loud after prolonged periods of silence.

“Hey,” Adora says, quiet. She sits on the side of Catra’s bed, rests her hand on the mattress. “I just wanted to come check up on you.”

Catra smiles. “Look for yourself,” she says and lifts her shirt. There’s red all along her side, from her waist to her ribs, deep and angry and terrible. Adora has to look away. She can’t look for too long. “Not pretty, huh?” Catra says, still grinning, toothy and smug like there’s nothing wrong.

Adora wants to reach out to touch it, to heal it, but that will hurt Catra. No matter how unintentional, she has spent a lifetime doing that. She won’t anymore.

“I still can’t convince you to let me heal it? Or Micah?” Adora asks. She already knows the answer.

Catra closes her mouth but her smile stays, lips turning up at the end. She shakes her head. “No magic. You know that.”

Adora nods. She does know that.

Catra opens her mouth, as if to say something else, but a bell rings, somewhere distant in the castle. It’s a new method of communication they’re working on. Different patterns demand the presence of different people. Adora sighs when she recognizes the pattern as her own.

“I have to go,” she says. 

Catra picks up Adora’s hand from where it rests on the bed and hums. “I’m sorry,” she says, voice louder than before, stronger. 

Adora squeezes her hand. “I know,” she says, just as she does everyday when Catra ends her visit with an apology. “I know,” she repeats. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Catra squeezes her hand and offers a final smile, small and tight. “Tomorrow.”

Glimmer is waiting for her when she gets downstairs.

“My father says Catra’s condition may worsen if we don’t treat her wounds with something serious soon. Is she still refusing magic?” Glimmer asks.

Adora nods. 

Glimmer sighs, exasperated. “Plumeria is still in shambles. Perfuma won’t be able to help for a while.”

Adora brings her hands together, picks at one thumb with the other. If Catra were there she would lay her hands over Adora’s, warm and comforting, softly saying _stop, you’re hurting yourself, it’ll all work out_ but she’s not there. She’s in her room, sicker than she’ll ever admit and Adora can’t help her.

“I can’t just sit around, Glimmer,” Adora says softly. Glimmer rests a hand on Adora’s shoulder, strong and firm, so different from the girl she was when Adora met her. She is a true leader now, sure of herself and her people.

“I understand.”

“I have to do something to help her.”

“I understand, Adora. Bright Moon will be fine if you leave for a day. I’ll have you help me with all this when you get back.”

Adora nods. “Thank you.”

“Be safe,” Glimmer says before she pulls Adora in for a hug, quick but as loving as ever. When she pulls away, Glimmer gives her shoulder a squeeze. “Come back to us. We need you.”

Adora smiles. “I’ll see you soon.”

The Whispering Woods is still wild, still full of magic and things unknown. Adora is familiar with it now, familiar with the thrum of vigor and life and power. It no longer scares her.

She walks quickly. The Woods helps her as it always has, clears the way, makes it safe. She makes it to Razz’s cabin just as the sun finishes setting, all three moons having already dipped below the horizon. There’s a warm light coming from inside, a glow from the windows that tells Adora that Razz is home. 

“Razz?” Adora calls out before she lifts the drape over the door and walks in.

Razz turns from her place by the fire and stands when she sees Adora. The flames make her glasses shine, a glint that would be scary if Adora didn’t trust Razz as much as she does. Her hair is grayer than Adora remembers, wilder, too. Her clothes are more ragged, torn up and dirty. Razz is calmer though, less anxious and scattered.

“Adora, dearie,” she says, smiling as she walks over to Adora. She wraps both arms around Adora’s waist and squeezes, says “I wasn’t expecting you. Did we make plans? Did I forget?”

“No, Razz,” Adora chuckles. “I have an emergency. Catra was injured. Her wound is infected and she refuses to be healed by magic. Do you have anything that can help me?”

Razz looks around, thinking, and says “Sit down. Madame Razz will feed you. You must be hungry after making it all the way out here to me.”

Adora stays standing. “I really need the cure if you have it,” she chuckles nervously. “Catra is –”

“I know who Catra is, dearie. Trust me,” Razz says, winks as if there’s a joke there that they both understand. “Dinner is almost ready. I will prepare what I can for you while you eat.”

Adora feels her shoulders drop. “Fine,” she says and slumps into the only other chair at the table. The hike through the Woods had been long and she was already tired from repairs and reconstruction. Even after the war, she doesn’t have time to relax and the fire is warm and welcoming.

Razz sets a bowl in front of her. It’s some sort of stew, thick, the smell sweet and spicy and rich. There’s a large chunk of brown bread on the table next to it and a spoon next to that. 

“Thank you, Razz.”

Razz only hums and smiles, continues to sweep around the kitchen gathering jars and bowls. 

Adora takes her first bite of the stew and nearly moans. It’s the best thing she has had to eat in ages. There’s been no time to prepare anything but snacks and makeshift meals here and there as of late. It’s her first real meal in what feels like ages. 

It isn’t long before Razz is bringing her another bowl and Adora is wolfing it down.

“It’s late, Adora,” Razz says when Adora is halfway through the second bowl. “This salve will need some time to sit before I can add the final ingredients. Why don’t you take the bed, dearie, stay the night? I’ll send you off in the morning with the salve ready for your Catra.”

“It won’t be ready any sooner?”

Razz shakes her head. “Not if you want the best and not if you want it without magic.”

Adora nods. “Thank you, Razz.”

“Of course, dearie. Rest now. It will be ready in the morning.”

Adora wakes up feeling wrong. 

She’s still in Razz’s hut. It’s cluttered as ever when she looks around but Razz isn’t there. 

The energy in the Woods feels different from last night. It’s not as friendly, more malicious than the welcoming magic Adora knows. She rolls over and stands, pulls the blankets up in an attempt to make the bed, and slips her boots on. 

The hut looks the same as last night but Adora still can’t shake the feeling that something is off. She’s almost to the door when something tumbles through and collides with her. 

“Razz, I’m so sorry,” Adora says, but when she looks up Razz isn’t in front of her. It’s a woman, dark hair, dark eyes, and Adora _knows_ her.

“You’re not Razz,” the woman says, confusion apparent.

“You’re Mara,” Adora says at the same time and Mara raises her eyebrows, eyes wide.

“Do I know you?” 

“I’m Adora.”

“Adora,” Mara says slowly, brow knitted together. “Razz talks about you sometimes. She thinks I’m you.”

Adora laughs. “She does the same with me, don’t worry. I think she’s just old.”

Mara laughs, nervous and confused. “What do you mean? Razz isn’t that old.”

Adora opens her mouth and then closes it because there Razz is, strolling through the door. Her hair is shorter, sleeker, still a vibrant white. Her cheeks look fuller, her eyes less tired. She’s taller, too, her presence more imposing than Adora could ever expect from Razz.

“You aren’t supposed to be here,” Razz says when she sees Adora. “This is wrong.”

“What is wrong, Razz?” Mara asks gently.

“Adora isn’t supposed to be here. It’s dangerous for you to be here together.”

“Why? Because we’ll bump our heads?” Mara snickers, winking at Adora.

“Because –” Razz starts. She sighs, drops her head and then raises it again, gazes up at the ceiling. “I can’t tell you. Adora knows why. She can’t tell you either. It could change everything.”

“Okay,” Mara says. “Well, I just wanted to stop in and say hi before I go to the Crystal Castle so I’ll go now. Good luck with whatever this is. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

When she is gone, Razz and Adora stand in the hut, still and silent except for the Woods outside. Adora waits for Razz to do something but nothing comes. She stands in place, eyes fixed on Adora. Finally, it’s too much.

“Razz, what’s –”

Razz grabs her sleeve and tugs, hard, so Adora is tripping after her out of the hut and into the Woods.

“We have to catch up to her,” Razz mutters, more to herself than Adora.

“But what’s going on?” Adora asks, voice raised in desperation.

“You are She-Ra. Mara is She-Ra. Mara cannot know you are She-Ra because she will know she fails. She doesn’t even know about stopping the Heart of Etheria project yet.”

“That still doesn’t explain why I’m here.”

“We are finding Mara so you can learn what you can about She-Ra while I figure out what went wrong.”

“What does that even mean, Razz? What went wrong?”

Razz stops suddenly. “I came here to get ingredients for the salve for your Catra. I accidentally brought you with me and I am not sure how to get you back. I will need some time.”

It’s the most coherent version of Razz that Adora has ever known. Adora nods.

“Okay. What do I do now?”

“Catch up to Mara. Don’t let her know who you are. Learn what you can about She-Ra. Anything can help you.”

Razz turns and leaves without another word. Adora watches her disappear through the brush before walking again.

_Find Mara. Learn about She-Ra._

The Crystal Castle grants Adora access when she speaks the password.

_Eternia._

It is not difficult to find Mara once she is inside. The main training room is big and open, the first room one finds when they follow the hallway that leads from the entrance. Mara stands in the center. Light Hope is next to her.

Adora stays in the hallway. She remembers Light Hope during their last few times together, how she spoke fondly of Mara, how she did what she could to save Adora. _Warmth._

“Did you see Razz on your way here?” Light Hope asks. Adora can’t see her well from her place in the hallway but her arms are crossed, her expression cold. Maybe Adora was wrong. Maybe Light Hope was always stern and humorless.

And then Mara laughs. “Hope, are you still jealous?” she says, smiling like this is something she teases Light Hope for often.

Light Hope’s arm uncross and her face relaxes. “No. It is not in my programming to be jealous.”

“It’s also not in your programming to be madly in love with me but here we are,” Mara says. She winks and Light Hope laughs. Adora never even know Light Hope knew what a joke was. “Besides,” Mara continues, “Someone was already there with her. Some girl named Adora.”

“Did you know her?”

“No,” Mara says, sits in the chair in the center of the room. “I’d never seen her before. Razz was being really weird, too.”

Light Hope scoffs.

“Seriously, Hope. She kept saying all of this stuff about Adora being dangerous but she didn’t seem scared of her. Adora didn’t seem scared either. She knew who I was.”

Light Hope walks closer, slowly. She rests her hand on Mara’s shoulder and Mara leans into it, just the slightest bit.

“I’m sorry, Mara. Do you want me to check the databases for anyone named Adora?”

Mara nods. 

Adora’s still in the hallway, hidden by shadows, when Light Hope says “There is an intruder in the castle.”

Adora gasps and pushes herself against the wall.

Mara sits up. “What?”

“There is someone here. I do not know who but they have somehow gained authorization. The Castle did not detect an unauthorized presence.” 

Mara stands, sword in hand. “We need to find them.”

Adora runs. She doesn’t look back.

Razz is in her hut when Adora makes it back.

“How was it?” Razz asks. She hands Adora a bowl of soup as she walks by.

“It was fine,” Adora says. “Nothing interesting happened.”

“Oh, really? So when Mara comes by for dinner tonight she’ll say the same?”

Adora narrows her eyes. “Yes.”

“Good,” Razz says cheerily. 

It’s quiet between them after that. Razz hums as she continues to move around the kitchen. Adora blows on each spoonful of soup to cool it down. It’s more delicate than the stew from before, less earthy. It’s Adora who breaks the silence.

“Razz?”

“Yes, dearie?”

“Why can’t I tell Mara who I am? Since I’m here, couldn’t I warn her not to go through with the Heart of Etheria? That could fix everything.”

“It could,” Razz says, “but it could also not. I cannot say what would happen. It’s too dangerous. Besides, you were only sent here because of what Mara did. If you stop her now, who knows what would become of you.”

Adora nods. She takes another bite of soup, too hot, but swallows anyway. “Mara knew who I was, though, in the hologram. If she finds out that I’m She-Ra, won’t she know she fails anyway?”

“I will take care of it, dearie. Mara will know what she needs to know. Everything will work out as it should.”

It feels wrong. Adora thinks about the way Mara spoke to Light Hope earlier, the way Light Hope spoke of Mara when Adora questioned her. She gets her happy ending. They don’t.

Mara arrives when the last moon is starting to set. She eats even faster than Adora, her bowl of soup done before Razz sits down to join them. 

“So, Mara, tell me,” Razz starts. “How was training with Adora?”

The spoon halfway to Mara’s mouth stops moving. Her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

“Well, she joined you in the Crystal Castle today, didn’t she?”

Mara turns towards Adora. Her eyes are sharp, her features suddenly more severe. “It was you in the Castle earlier, wasn’t it?”

Adora keeps her eyes fixed on the table. Her hands come together in her lap, her thumbs picking at each other.

“How did you gain authorization?”

Adora looks to Razz. Razz looks back, face blank.

“I hacked into the database,” Adora lies. “The computer. I’m very good with them. Computers, that is.”

Mara’s face remains hard. “I see.”

Adora knows she’s a terrible liar. She knows Mara is going to ask her something and she’s going to say the wrong thing and Mara will know she’s lying and she’ll tell her she’s She-Ra and everything will go wrong. 

“So, you and Light Hope,” Adora says in an attempt to change the subject.

Mara’s cheeks redden, her face softens. “Yeah,” she says quietly.

“Does she always let you get away with things you’re not supposed to?”

“What do you mean?” Mara asks, eyes narrowing again.

“Nothing, really. It just seems like she’s like that.”

Mara sighs. “She wants to be good. It’s hard for her. She is good, really. She just hasn’t been programmed to act that way. To know that she is that way. But she does what she can and I love her. Everything else will work itself out.”

Adora wants to warn her, wants to tell her _no, it doesn’t work out, you die and Light Hope turns cold and the First Ones are evil so don’t help them, don’t go through with the Heart of Etheria, don’t –_

Instead she blows on her soup and takes another bite.

Mara leaves after the sun sets. 

“Take the bed again for tonight, dearie,” Razz says. “If I figured this all out, and I think I did, we’ll be back to your time when you wake up.”

Adora dreams of the most immense pain she has ever known, the sword shattering, and a voice saying _Do it._

Adora is calm when she wakes up. She’s in the right place. She can feel it. 

Razz isn’t in the hut when she looks around. There is, however, a jar on the floor next to Adora’s boots.

_Adora,_ the note next to it reads. _For your Catra._

Bright Moon is calm when Adora returns. It’s too early in the morning for most people to be awake. 

Catra is asleep when Adora gets to her room. Her sheets are pulled up over her shoulders, her legs pulled up underneath her. Her face is relaxed and her breathing is steady. She’s okay.

Adora sits on the side of the bed and rests her hand on Catra’s arm. She shakes her softly, says “Catra, wake up. I have your medicine.”

Catra groans. “It’s too early.”

“Just let me put this on you and you can go back to sleep, okay?”

“No magic?” Catra asks. Her eyes are still shut.

“No magic. Just some herbs and stuff from Razz.”

“Fine.”

Catra rolls onto her back, lets Adora pull down the covers and push up her shirt. The wound is angrier than before, deep and bright. It’s awful.

Adora opens the container and scoops some of the salve out onto her fingers. She rubs it into Catra’s side and Catra hisses, sucking air in through her teeth.

“Sorry,” Adora says softly. “Do you want me to stop?”

Catra shakes her head. “Keep going. I’ll be fine.”

Adora rubs the salve in gently with one hand, the other on Catra’s stomach. Catra grabs it and squeezes. _Thank you._

When she finishes, she pulls Catra’s hand to her lips, kisses each knuckle. “How do you feel?”

“It burns,” Catra chuckles. She winces. “That hurts. I probably shouldn’t do that.”

“No?”

“No,” Catra says, grinning up at Adora. She pulls her down so she’s across Catra, head on the mattress and feet hanging over the edge.

“Careful,” Adora says. “I might hurt you.”

“And it would be an accident and I would forgive you,” Catra says. “Obviously.”

Adora moves so she’s completely on the mattress, opposite from Catra’s injured side. “Obviously,” she repeats.

Forgiveness isn’t the most obvious thing - not anymore - but Adora considers everything that was given up for her to be here, in bed with the woman she loves, safe and happy and soon to be healthy, and thinks maybe it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> yes i know mara has blue eyes but i gave her brown eyes because she seems nice and i think she deserves them
> 
> title from rare thing by frances quinlan
> 
> poalof on twitter and tumblr


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